Short funny hilarious jokes

Two guys, a fat one and a skinny guy, they were arguing about who was the more polite.

The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

There was an accident, and a guy who is a carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. In the courtroom, the judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.

"Thirty five feet, tree and one half inches", He replied.

"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?", asked the judge.

Jerry asked Tom, "Which one do you think it is more important, money or friends?"
Tom answered, "Of course, friends!"

Jerry, "Why?"
Tom said, "I can always borrow money from friends."

In a nice office, a young businessman had just started his business, so he rented this beautiful office.

While sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

One day, a labrador dog whose owner is a lawyer, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Then the butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

There was a man in the desert, who was crawling across this desert and dying of thirst, when a camel raced up and stopped.

An Arab jumped down, "Would you like to buy a tie?", this Arab guy asked him, and opened a suitcase.

"No, I need water!" said the man, "Do you have water?"