Short funny car jokes

Josh, a friend of mine, hour-and-a-half commute to work got old quickly, the time spent stuck in traffic was sending him over the edge. So I was happy for him when he found a new job closer to home.

"That's great," I said. "What are you doing now?"
"I'm a bus driver."

A blond lady was driving along the highway when a blond police officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: May i see your license?
Lady: What does it look like?
Officer: its a rectangular stuff with a photo of yours on it.
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says, "if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."

the train guard and the girl
A guard was going to signal his train to start when he saw a hot girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Close the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"Close that door, please," called the guard, "and I 'll do others for you!"

You are driving tooooo close, if you can read this bumper sticker.

I can not repair your brakes, but I will make your horn louder.

Last month, I went to a few car dealerships and would like to choose one.

At first I paused at Santana. There was nothing caught my eye, but the price was right.

Then I went to a Ford dealer. I didn't really find anything I liked, but every car had a pair of shoes(鞋子) in the trunk.